


The Regrets We Have Made

by TheAngelofFate



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles Forever (2009)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Future Donatello, Future Leo Raph and Mikey have been dead for over a years in SAINW, Gen, Hugs, I can not stress that this is strictly a platonic story, Mikey time travels, No Slash, No TurtleCest, Platonic Relationships, SAINW universe - Freeform, brotherly hugs, seriously though there is A LOT of tears and hugs, set after TMNT Back To The Sewers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-14 04:30:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11200464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: An accident with one of Donnie's inventions causes Mikey to become trapped within a much darker New York then his own, a world that is dark and in ruins, a world where it looks like it has been through hell and back and then back again. And his only alley is someone that this world thought had died 31 years ago. Now Mikey must find a way to get back home, all the while finding out what happened to him, his brothers and when exactly had things gone so wrong.





	1. 離れてリッピング: Ripped Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT SO, taking a step back from my Star Wars story (I know it's been four months since I updated it, many apologies, I've just have been trying to take a breather, all the while writing Kanan's POV has been proving to be exhausting for me) I have decided to post this TMNT story here on AO3, it's not finished yet but I thought if you guys liked it enough here then maybe I could get around to finishing it. Since it is my favorite story I've written for the fandom and it is set in my favorite episode. 
> 
> Anyway, sit back, grab some popcorn (and possible tissues) and please enjoy this first part of "The Regrets We Have Made"

It started out with him being nothing but a helpful turtle.

Even though there were times he made something break or caused a mini explosion, even though he wasn't as smart as Donnie he took pride in being his brother's lab assistant. And Don himself seemed to enjoy the younger's company because he never truly got angry at him for doing something wrong. Not to the point where Mikey's feelings were hurt, and even if they weren't, Donnie would feel as though he said something wrong and would immediately apologize. Because that was the type of turtle he was.

And they all thought Mikey was the only sensitive one.

 _"So, Donnie whatcha working on?"_ He had asked his brother, curiously, with a smile on his face.

_"Trying to synthesize this new power source for the new Tunneler I'm building. It's a very rare source of energy that Cody gave to me as a goodbye present before we came back home."_

Mikey remembered grinning, leave it to Cody to make Don even more nerdy then he already was, _"Can I help, master?" He teased as he pretended to be Igor to his brother's Frankenstein._

Don scoffed and whacked Mikey on the head playfully. _"Yeah, you can hold these two wires separately while I go get something from the garage. Think you can do that?"_

Mikey had saluted his brother and smiled. _"Aye Aye, captain!"_

And to his credit he was able to stay still and hold the wires without them touching for a good 10 minutes. But his brother was taking _**forever**_ and he was so _bored_ that he decided to start singing to past the time, then he found himself tapping his feet to the song he was singing, then he began drumming his free hand on the work bench and walls.

Mikey realized too late that in his attempt to entertain himself he accidentally knocked the large beaker filled with a glowing white blueish liquid off the shelf above him.

The liquid fell on his head and splashed everywhere, the wires he had been holding now sparked to life, a tingling erupted through his hand and traveled down his whole body. His vision blurred and he felt all kinds of wrong. He remembered looking at his hands and saw that they were slowly fading away, in fact his whole body was fading right before his eyes.

 _"D-Donnie!"_ He had screamed tears falling down his cheeks, completely and utterly terrified as to what was happening to him.

All three of this brothers came charging in with their weapons drawn, only to freeze in place as they looked at him in shock. _"Mikey!"_ Donnie had cried out, rushing to him with his hand outstretched, only to pass right though him.

 _"Don! What's going on?!"_ Leo asked frantically, as he also tried to grab onto their younger brother, only to fail just as Donnie had.

Donnie shook his head, _"I... I don't know!"_

 _"Well, fix it, brainiac!"_ Raph growled as he grabbed Donnie by the shoulders and shook him.

By then Mikey could only hear fractions of what his older brothers were saying. Because as his body disappeared so did his hearing. The last thing he heard was Leo, Raph and Don's terrified calls of his name.

Then... then there was nothing. He was nothing for what seemed like forever, his body was no longer there but his mind was still active, it floated in and endless sea of fog. _Stupid, stupid! Why am I such a screw up?!_  He thought angrily, as his mind seemed to echo, fade away and then come back again. Now he was nothing... but he didn't _**want**_ to be nothing. He wanted to be solid and be with his brothers again.

A shriek left his mind, he called out to the nothingness to not let this be his fate.

_Donnie!_

_Leo!_

_Raph!_

And then abruptly he was put back together. As if by magic he faded back into himself as if he had never disappeared at all. A combined amount of dizziness and nausea overpowered him and he fell to his knees. Slowly his vision returned and he looked up but was shocked to see that his brothers were no longer there, hell he wasn't even in the lair anymore. Mikey found himself outside in what looked like a desert?

Standing on shaky legs, he walked up a nearby hill to get a better look at his surroundings.

"What the hell?" He whispered under his breathe as he saw the waste land in front of him. Though it was slightly dark from the nighttime sky Mikey could clearly see that this wasn't just any desert, it wasn't a normal deserted place. This place looked like it had once been a beautiful area but then it was savagely burned to the ground.

Where am I? He wondered silently.

It was only when he felt a chill run down his spine did the shock of where he was finally wore off, someone was behind him, someone with ill intentions, someone that wanted to do him harm, shaking off the nausea that were still present, he sprung into action. Whipping out his nunchucks, he did a back flipped and hit his attacker with his weapons. His attackers surprised him by dodging his nunchucks and swirling away from him.

The silhouette began speaking to it's friend, "What is it?"

It's companion replied, "I think it is a person."

"No, it looks more like a turtle."

Soon they two started circling him like vultures. Their movements were... strange. It was as though they were snakes, they seemed to slither. And the way they gazed at him with hunger in their golden eyes, Mikey had a good idea at what they wanted from him.

"A _human_ turtle?"

"A _turtle_ human, yes _yes_."

"It's huge, a mutant?"

"I'm hungry, dinner time?"

"Yes _yes_ , dinner time."

Mikey glared at the creatures. There's no way he was going to be food for these things, not when there was something he could do about it. "Hey! I don't know who you guys are, but Michelangelo is no one's dinner!"

"It speaks! How _strange_."

"Yes, but see I am still hungry."

"Agreed, let's feast together."

They attacked and Mikey yelped as he dodged out of the way. He's never seen an enemy so fast before. They were both even faster then Hisomi Shisho and he was ninja mystic god. If that was the case then he was totally screwed, but that doesn't mean he was going to go down without a fight.

No, _no sir_. He'd fight, just like he always has.

But soon Mikey realized that the more he hit them with his nunchucks the slipperier they were becoming. He cried out in pain as sharp teeth sank deep into the skin on his shoulder. He fell to his knees and gripped his arm. His fighting strength now gone from the pain and exhaustion.

They laughed at his pitiful attempts to survive, saying that he was within a world with no hope even if the alien that conquered it was gone, they called him weak and troublesome, then sprung to finish him off.

Mikey closed his eyes and waited for the final blow that would end his life, and when it hadn't he opened them to see the creatures were no longer there. Standing in the place of where the monsters once stood, was a person. "Who the hell are you and why are you here?" The voice that spoke to him was gruff, cold, **_angry_**. But... he knew that voice even if it was different then the one he was so often use to hearing, he _knew_ that voice.

Then as the nighttime clouds passed by the moon giving the area he was in the slightest bit of light, Mikey saw them.

A long, tattered purple bandanna hanging off the man's neck as it swayed in the wind and a Bo staff behind his back. Mikey had no idea how this was possible, he couldn't understand what was going on but all that mattered to him was that it was, and he couldn't be more happy. This man wasn't a man at all, he was a turtle.

He was Donatello.

"Don?" He said as he put his weapons away and stood up on his feet, holding out his hands.

The man growled and lunged at him. "Don't you dare call me that!" He sneered at him as Mikey found himself on his shell in the dirt. "Don't _ever_ call me that again!"

Mikey cried out in pain and panic as he felt a knife being pressed to his throat. "D-Donnie! It's... It's me! M-Mikey!" He explained as his heart beat a million miles a minute. The figure stiffened above him and the young turtle opened his eyes and saw Don's own chocolate brown ones staring at him in shock.

"M-Mikey?" The voice was no longer filled with blood lust and hate, the pressure on top of him abruptly disappeared and Mikey was finally able to sit up. As he did so, he saw that his brother was sitting in the dirt, looking absolutely shell shocked.

"Donnie?" He whispered as he placed a hand on his brother's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.

Donnie then sprang forward and Mikey instinctively stiffened at the act, only to realize that his brother had simply wrapped him in an embrace. "M-Mikey! Oh... _**Mikey**_! You're— You're here... B-But how? She told me— told me you all... were all— _God, Mikey_!" He heard Donnie sob out his arms tightened around and he felt tears drip down his neck. Hearing the purely broken anguish in his older brother's voice caused tears of his own to fall down his face.

He returned Don's embrace and clung to him just as tightly. "Donnie, what's— what's going on? I don't know— I don't understand where I am or how I got here... I'm scared, Don." He couldn't help that his voice quivered, he knew he must sound like a child. Knew that a 16 year old like himself must look pathetic bawling like a baby, but he couldn't help it, he was sensitive, tears came easily to him when he was sad, angry, or scared. It's just who he was. The weight of all that's happened to him hit him all at once and he couldn't stand it anymore, not on his own.

Donnie then pulled away from him enough to look at him, his tear stricken face shining in the moon light. Slowly, he brought a hand up and gently wiped away his tears with the pads of his thumbs. He gave Mikey a small smile, he pressed their foreheads together. "It's okay." His brother said as he embraced him again. "It's okay, Mikey. We'll figure this out, okay?"

Mikey nodded as he breathed in a hitched breathe. Putting his trust in his brother as he always had, he'd be okay.

Everything was going to be fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo YEAH, that's the first part! One of the main things about the SAINW episode I had questions about (among a ton of others) is where exactly WAS the Donatello from that time? I've heard A LOT of theories over the years. But the one I thought of is the one that makes the most sense (to me at least). 
> 
> What that is, well you're gonna have to find out. ;)
> 
> As always, I hope you all enjoyed this, comments are much appreciated and I will hopefully see you all in the next chapter if you all so wish by smashing that kudos button and maybe leaving me a few of your thoughts? It only costs a penny.


	2. 裏切り- Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is chapter 2
> 
> Apparently, this isn't going to work out with this story, as I thought that i might, but it's fine... I'm use to that by now. 
> 
> But I don't have the heart to delete it.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy, or not that fine too.

The fog of sleep drifted away and soon he found himself awake. He groaned and curled into himself, his body ached and his head swam. _What the hell happened to me? Why am I so damn sore?_ For a moment he couldn't recall anything, and for a moment that terrified him, having no recollection of anything was a thought he never liked to think about. Soon, though the memories of what happened to him came flooding back— only he couldn't believe them, they were so abnormal, so strange and haunting even for him that they didn't feel real to him. "Man, I had the strangest dream." Mikey murmured to himself as he let out a yawn, because that got to be what they were, right? Just a crazy shell of a bad dream.

Right?

"Heh, sorry. But that wasn't a dream." A sudden voice spoke out causing Mikey to let out a surprised girly scream, his eyes snapped out and he sat up. His vision blurred from sitting up so quickly for a second or two, he shook his head. Once it cleared, his gaze immediately fell on Donnie, now that the sun was out he was able to get a good look at his big brother. Scars covered Don's olive green skin from head to toe, a scouter from that anime show Angel had told him about a few months back was attached to his brother's left eye, his shoulder and knee pads, the ones they all use to wear were now replaced with metal ones along with black combat boots and devices that Mikey _hoped_ and _prayed_ werenot permanently strapped to his Donnie's shell.

Oh.

So wrong, then?

To say that his brother looked like he been through hell and back would be an understatement. Placing a hand over he fast beating heart, he puffed out a sigh. "Man, Don. Give a turtle a heart attack why don'tcha?"

Donnie smiled at him, "Sorry, Mike. How's your shoulder feel?"

Mikey continued to stare at him, slowly he rolled his arm in a circle to test the pain, "Meh, I've had worse." He said casually as he adjusted himself int a more comfortable sitting position. " _Sooo_ , I'm not dreaming, aren't I?"

Don hummed quietly, "Afraid not."

He pulled a face and let out a long groan. "Great... Where the hell am I then?"

"I think the proper term is _when_ are you."

 _Say what now?_ He thought as he looked at Don and saw that his brother's face was completely serious. _When_ was he? Mikey was already confused, why did his brother pick _now_ of all times to go all sciencey-cryptic on him? Besides, didn't that imply that he was in another dimension like he had been when Drako had beamed them all a crossed space and time? But did that mean he was in the _Time_ portion of everythin... more then the _Space_?

"Are you telling me that I'm in the _future_?"

He watched as Donnie adjusted the scouted on his left eye, before he continued speaking. "At first I didn't believe it either, but looking at you and seeing that you haven't aged a _day_ , I know now, that you are from the past." Even as Donnie explained it all to him, gave him various facts and data because that's what Donatello did best, spout knowledge, explained things even if they sometimes made no sense at the time. And Don, he noticed was taking care and slowly explaining what he thought was going on, but even _**still**_ Mikey couldn't believe it. No, no, he _wouldn't_ believe it, he refused to.

For he had already been to the future, it was bright, it was peaceful, it was safe and sound. _That_ future had Cody and future tech his Donnie couldn't wait to be invented, that future had video games galore he couldn't wait to play it all over again. That future had wrestling and Raphael happily cheering for all the mindless violence, that wonderful future had Master Splinter peacefully mediating, had Leo calmly walking the streets, training and making new friends.

But this... this place— this dark and gloomy place couldn't be the future, not his future!

Unless...

_"But Cody scientist theorize that there maybe more then_ _**one** _ _future, depending upon the choices each of us makes along the way."_

Unless he had done something to screw up the timeline so badly that this place was what he and his family had to look forward too. He moaned, his heart rate picked up again as he placed a hand over his plastron and exhaled a shaky breathe. "Oh god, but... _but—_ This can't be real, I was already in... Is this my fault? Did I do something _**wrong**_?" It made since now, this was all his fault.

Then Donnie, out of no where, was suddenly right in front of him, his hands grasped his shoulders, telling him to calm down— to _breathe_. "Whoa, _easy_! _Mikey,_ breathe, it's **_okay_**!" Don paused to place his hands on his cheeks and made him look up at him. "None of this is your fault, I promise you, little brother that it's _not_..." He heard his brother paused for a second as he felt Donnie wince and his hands left his face and back to his shoulders, they seemed to tighten an inch.

"Everything that happened here is no ones fault but my own."

"Don?" Mikey breathed out as he tried to level his breathing from his minor panic attack. He wondered what exactly had Donnie meant when he said everything was his fault? Because that couldn't be true, nothing was ever Don's fault, he was a genius and geniuses don't make mistakes for screw things over like people— or turtles like Mickey did.

But Donnie merely smiled at him and rubbed the top of his head affectionately. "Why don't we go for a walk?" He asked as he cleared his throat, there was an emotion there that Mike couldn't identify. "And along the way you can tell me what happened to you?" He asked as he stood up and held out his hand for Mikey to take.

Mikey nodded as he took his brother's hand, gratefully. "Okay."

* * *

 

"Then I was fading away right in front of you guys— Well the _younger versions_ of you and Leo and Raph. The next thing I knew I was being attack by those creatures that wanted to eat me." Mikey explained as he and Donatello walked the vast deserted area, it looked worse in the daytime then it does at night. "What were those things, anyway?"

Donnie's expression changed, then. It was a distant look Mikey, himself has never seen from his brother. "Their called _Anguis,_ they have knack for attacking people who are alone at night, though they only do so when someone invades their turf, no one really knows where they came from. They just... showed up one day and claimed this area as their home. They mostly stay here, but they also have a annoying habit of leaving their turf to find food other places, basically their like any normal predator only they are ten times bigger."

Mikey looked at his brother in wonder, a thought rose to the surface of his mind. "Wait, before you found me, weren't you alone?"

Don nodded. "Yeah."

"How come they didn't attack you?"

A strange, detached look appeared on Don's face as he gazed out into the outskirts of the desert. "They know better not too."

A shiver ran down Mikey's spine as he heard Donnie's voice drop an octave. He sounded deadly serious. Mike wondered just what _exactly_ happened to Don that made him sound so intimidating, this wasn't the same turtle that he had grown up with for the past 16 years, Donnie had changed.

"So you think there's a way to send me home?" Mikey asked wanting to change the subject and get that look off of his brother's face. It seemed to work, because the color in Donnie's eyes went back to their normal shade of chocolate brown.

"I think so. If we keep walking we'll be able to make it to New York in no time." Mike skidded to a stop at those words.

"New York? That's where we're headed?"

A nod, and Mike was use to those. "Yes, I believe there is someone there that can help."

"Are you sure, _Double_ _D_?"

Don rolled his eyes and gave him a smile, ignoring his teasing question. "So you said my younger self was working on rebuilding the Tunneler with an energy source given to him by someone name Cody?"

Mikey slide down a sandune as he remember the red headed teen who became almost like a little brother to him. "Yeah, Cody is April and Casey's great grandson from the future— well... not _this_ future, obviously. He created this window thingy so he could see us in action in the past... our past— my past, you know he wanted to see us being ninjas and kicking some bad guy shell, but it didn't go so well. By the time we got back home we had been gone for a year."

"Hm, and how exactly was that future?"

He bubbled up with excitement at that question. Because damn did he love that future! "Oh man, _Don_. Do I have four words for you. So. Many. _Video Games!"_ He screeched out with utter excitement. " _And_ we were all able to walk around outside in the **_daytime_** without people being scared of us because alien and humans lived together. It was all _so_ amazingly perfect!" Mikey said with joy in his eyes and a grin on his face.

Donnie listened intently to each word his little brother spoke, a small smile of fondness spread a crossed his features. Mike saw this and paused for a moment. "What?" He asked curiously, raising his hands up, he patted his cheeks. "Something on my face?"

Don shook his head and continued to stare at Mikey. "No, it's just... I didn't realize how much I missed it."

Mikey tilted his head and frowned. "Missed what?"

"You're smile." His brother scoffed softly. "You're laugh, you're optimism." The older turtle slowly eased his way to the ground and rubbed a hand against his forehead, looking so very sad and guilt-ridden. "Everything else."

The younger swallowed hard, the joyful moment of the future was now gone, he gently placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, like he had done before. "Donnie?" He questioned gently, wanting Don to open up but didn't want to rush him. He knew that this was going to be really hard for the other turtle to explain, given the condition that the world was in, it must have gone through several world wars. "I've been here for more then three hours, the sun's already coming down, for reason's I don't know _why_. And you still haven't told me why you think all this is your fault."

The genius turtle pressed his lips into a thin line and closed his eyes. "I can't tell you." He whispered, fear overflowed his eyes as he look at his scarred hands. "You'll end up hating me."

Mikey tried to not feel hurt by those words, he really did. But he was having a difficult time doing so. "Donnie— Dude, c'mon. I could never hate you, you're my best friend." The younger offered one of his signature smiles of reassurance. "We're brothers."

Don let those words sink in before he spoke again, "The reason I said it was my fault, that this whole future is my fault, was because _**it is**_. When I was 19, I did something that changed _everything_ , I did something that I'll _**never**_ be able to forgive myself for as long as I live."

Mikey tightened his grip on Donnie to give him the support he needed. "What did you do?"

"I left you guys."

And Michelangelo felt the ground disappear from under him.

* * *

 

For a moment he didn't say anything. For three long solid minutes he remained exactly in the same position, frozen in place as he processed the words that were just spoken to him. But... _no, no_! He couldn't accept those words, he wouldn't. He denied and _**screamed**_ them within his head that the words he just heard were a lie, that it was just a prank— because that had to be it right? His brothers use to prank him all the time, and he did the same. That has to be why's this was. Because leaving was something this family never did, and those words they weren't— they weren't _**fucking**_ true, _dammit_! He denied everything so strongly, there was no way Donatello would leave them, he _wouldn't_ do something so utterly cruel. But by the look on his brother's face said it all, in that four worded sentence, it was clear to Mikey that Don didn't just go on vacation or left for some extra training by Master Splinter's request like he had done with Leo.

No, he _left left_. As in for good, as in he didn't bother to write them a note to say where he was going, as he packed his bags and disappeared into the night and never came back.

But— No, _no_!

No, this was Donnie for _god's sake_! Donnie would never up and leave them for no reason, leave him without saying where he was going. He refused to believe that the genius, kind-hearted and compassionate turtle that was Donatello would just... _leave_. But then why else would the future be like this? Why was the fate of the future resting on Don's shoulders? Why was everything in ruins just because Donnie was no longer living with them?

Or was that the crux of the problem? Because Donnie had _choose_ to leave, willingly and without command, as if he didn't care about them anymore?

Mikey retracted his hand from Don's shoulder as if he'd been severely burned. His heart was beating so fast that he thought it was going to burst from his plastron, he laid a hand against it and squeezed, wanting to try and reveal some of the growing pressure that was inside of it. Tears of betrayal welled in his eyes and he shook his head.

"No." He muttered finally as he stood up. "No, no way."

"Mikey?" Donnie's gently voice spoke out as he stood up as well. Don outstretched his hand just as he had done before Mikey had faded away, in both ways it was it was Don trying to be there for his younger brother, wanting to comfort him. But Mike found himself backing away from his brother not out of fear but disbelief. "No, you just... _no_."

"Mike—"

"You left us—"

"Mikey, let—"

"You're telling me that during the night you just _**took off**_ and left?"

"Let me explain—"

Mikey closed his eyes and gripped the sides of his skull with both hands, "No, there's no excuse for that." Mikey said as he opened his eyes, showing his brother the hurt within them. "No excuse for _**leaving**_ us _willingly_."

"I'm sorry, Mikey. _Please—_ "

"You abandoned us, Donatello!"

Donnie froze at that his hand falling to his side and he looked down at the ground. The fact that Donnie wasn't denying his words about abandoning them made Mikey feel even more heart broken. To think that one day his brother might one day leave them all behind as if they didn't matter any more, it hurt to much to think about, he could hardly bare the utter pain of it all.

He hated this, he hated this time s _o much._ Giving him this kind of information was cruel, it was uncalled for— because he was the _wrong_ person to deal with all of this. All he wanted was to be with _his_ brothers again, with Casey and April, with Angel and Master Splinter. He just wanted to go _home_. A sob escaped his lips as the tears flowed thick and heavy down his cheeks, not being able to take it any longer, Mikey turned and took off running, he knew not where he was running too, he had no destination, all that he knew was that he wanted to get far away from his brother, and that fact made him feel ten times worse.

"Mikey!" He heard Donnie calling to him, he heard him chasing after him, but Mike no longer cared. He just kept running, tears blurred his vision so he couldn't see what was in front of him. And when the younger turtle found that he had run out of ground to walk on, when he found himself falling, even when he tumbled down at a speed that would leave any normal person with a broken neck, and even when he hit the bottom with a sickening thud and the wind was knocked out of him, Michelangelo found that he didn't care.

The only thing that made his body move, that made it stand up and continued running blindly was sheer force of will, without it, he wouldn't have bothered to get up at all.

" _Michelangelo_!" A voice yelled out as arms wrapped around him, abruptly. Immediately Mikey began fighting back, he struggled, thrashed around, _bit_ and _clawed_ , trying to get out of the arms holding him.

" _Let go_! _**Fucking**_ let me _go_ , Donnie!" He hissed out, venomously. The tears falling down his face were angry now, betrayal etched into every liquid particle.

"Mikey— _Mikey!_ Please, _please!_ _**Stop!**_ You're injured, please you have to _stop_!"

But Mike wasn't listening, all that was filling his thoughts and pounding in his skull was that _Donnie_ was going to leave him someday, willingly and without remorse until decades later when their world— their _home_ was falling apart at the seams. "You're going to abandon us— you're my best friend, Donnie!I loved you _, how could you!?_ " He cried out loudly as he used all his strength to pull himself away from his brother, only for Don to tighten his arms around his plastron and pulled Mikey closer to his own.

"I'm _sorry_." He heard Donnie whisper as he laid his forehead into the croak of his neck and continued to hug him from behind. "I'm so _so_ sorry, Mikey. I know I made an awful mistake, I can't make up for that, please _**forgive**_ me." Don's voice cracked as he spoke.

And Mikey was so _overwhelmed_ with all hurt and _rage_ and it was so uncharacteristic of him, it was so unlike him to show so much rage and anger— that was Raphael, that was Casey, sometimes that was Leo too, but soon even that side of Michelangelo, the side some rarely ever got a chance to see shattered into pieces, and now here he was— all angry and hurt and broken. Mikey collapsed against his brother, feeling completely defeated and numb, he cried semi silent tears as he held on to Don's arm in a vice grip, silently thinking that if he held on to this version of his Donatello tight enough, then _maybe_ he could prevent the one from his time from leaving.

"Please, don't leave me, _aniki_... Please." He begged and pleaded with all his might and with everything he was, as he used the Japanese word for _'big brother'_ Leo had taught them all to say at a young age, _hoping_ that if that word meant as much to his brothers as it does for him, that maybe a crossed time and space his Donnie and the rest of his brothers would be able to hear him calling, would be able to help him get back home or come rescue him, as they always did.

Arms tightened around him at his words, pulling him closer.

"I'm sorry, _otouto_. I'm so very sorry."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything to really say so I hope you enjoy this part, leave a positive comment if you'd like, their always welcome and appreciate, or not. 
> 
> Have a good day


	3. マイ決断- My decision

Donatello knew he had screwed up. He knew he screwed up all those years ago when he left his family, when he saw what the future had become because of _**him**_ , he _knew_ he screwed up when he realized what happened to his brothers during his absence, but mostly Donnie knew without a shadow of a doubt that he screwed up in telling his little brother —this younger version of his little brother— of what he had done.

For after the tears had stopped falling, after Don had disinfected and bandaged his brother injuries when he fell off that cliff, Mikey refused to say a word to him. Not _one_ single word and that was terrifying Donatello, Mikey was _never_ the type of turtle to stop talking, Don had fond memories from years before he left of a rambunctious Michelangelo who never stopped running his mouth, he always had something to say, always had something on his mind that he couldn't wait to tell his brother's about. But now since Mikey wasn't talking, Don only knew that it was **_his fault_ ** just like everything else was.

 _I have to fix this._ He thought desperately. The thought of Mikey not talking was bad enough but Mikey not talking to _Donnie_ when he was so very much alive and not dead like he had been told was something he couldn't handled.

"H-Hey, Mikey. When we get to New York I think there are still spots there that serve pizza, maybe we can go there if your hungry?" Don said as he chanced a glance in his brother's direction. Mikey _loved_ pizza, he adored it really, you'd think that mentioning his favorite food would get a reaction out of him, but there was none, absolutely nothing— not even a twitch. "Or I think there's still a comic book store somewhere, we can go there too if you want."

Still _nothing_ , it was as if his brother was tuning him out.

A lump grew in his throat, nothing was working. Usually the mention of Mikey's favorite things in the world would always be the number one thing to make him smile or get him excited. But not this time and that pulled at Don's heartstrings, he took away Mikey's smile for a second time, he took away Mike's innocence just like before. His emotions getting the better of him he turned around he grasped Mikey shoulders.

"Mikey! _Please_ talk to me! Please, you have to talk to me, tell me what's wrong." Even though he already knew what was wrong, Don was basically babbling at this point.

Still nothing, not a fucking word. Donnie hung his head in defeat, he let his hands fall to his sides, he turned around and kept walking,

_**You did this.** _

_**You did this.** _

**_Are you proud of yourself?_ **

The voices of guilt and doubt ran through his head. Telling him how much of a failure he was, how he failed his family and failed his brother, how horrible he was because he abandoned them. Because of what he did to Mikey just now. _What was I thinking? How could I have told him that I left?! What kind of brother am I!?_

"Don?"

Donnie froze as he heard that voice. That voice cut through the other ones that said horrible things to him, that voice cut through them all and made them disappear for the time being. He whipped around and saw Mikey staring back at him with a look of seriousness and a tad bit of fear. Don chance a step forward and was relieved when Mikey didn't take a step back. _Thank god..._ He thought, utterly relieved.

"Yeah, Mikey?"

Mikey looked at the ground for a moment before looking back at him, "What happened to our brothers in this future? What happened to me?"

It took a few minutes for Don to process what exactly Mikey was actually saying, exactly what his little brother was asking for him to do, of the conversation he wanted to start. _Is he crazy? Why would he want to know more about this terrible future? Why would he want to know the fate of his future self and the fate of everyone else?_ Then it occurred to Donnie, after the trauma he just put Mike through, after failing him for a second time. He realized that —though it may only cause more harm then good— telling Michelangelo exactly what happened was the least he could do.

Nervously, he sat down on the ground and motioned Mikey to do the same. "Alright, what do you want to know first?" He asked as he tried to keep his voice calm.

"How did this all happen?" Mikey replied as Don watched his brother gestured towards everything.

"I don't know all the details because I was... _long gone_. But from what Angel told me after I came back to New York the Shredder somehow was able to take over the entire world, he enslaved the people, the Utroms and made them work for him, there were wars that were fought to try and take Shredder down with April being their leader." Don paused a minute to inhale a deep breathe as he continued his story. "Then Angel said that a younger version of me just appeared one day and finally helped killed the Shredder."

Don glanced at Mikey and saw youngster's eyes widen when he spoke those words. "A younger version of you?"

Donnie nodded, "Before when I was given this information I couldn't figure it out, but _you_ being here with me, I was able to figure out that this younger me is _you're_ Donatello. The one from a past that you and him are both from."

"That can't be true! Donnie never said anything to—" Mikey abruptly stopped as if he came to a sudden realization. "Ultimate Drako." He heard Mike whisper.

Don titled his head to the side, confused.

"A year or two ago my brothers and I were sent a crossed different dimensions. And when we all got back home, we started telling stories about our dimensions. But Donnie... _My_ Donnie didn't say a word about what he saw. And we— we never pushed him to tell us what he saw even though we knew he was having nightmares— cause when we all got back home, Donnie _hugged_ Raph and I like he had seen us in years. I wanted to talk to him about it after the nightmares got worse an drew Don seemed to be more reclusive but Leo and Master Splinter said that he would come to us when he was ready." Mike paused a second time as he truly let what he just said sink in. "Do you think that—"

Don nodded, "What's giving him nightmares is **_this_** place, what he saw here traumatized him. To which I don't blame him." Confirming what his brother was trying to say as he continued on this his story. "After Shredder's defeat, all the enslaved people were released and the Utroms were set free, the portal the Shredder had made to conquer other worlds was destroyed and the fallen warriors all had a proper burial." Donnie swallowed thickly, a lump was growing in his throat as he neared the part where he really didn't want to discuss, it hurt too much.

"And... And when I asked what happened to my brothers and my father— Angel told me that Master Splinter died a few years after I left, she said that over the years my brothers... grew cold and distant towards one another. Leo lost his eyesight and Raph lost his left eye when Casey was killed and Mikey—" Don flinched instinctively as he could no longer look at Michelangelo. He couldn't look at his little brother, he was too ashamed.

"He had lost his left arm." He finally forced out as his voice crack just slightly. His heart clinched, never in these last few months has he ever spoken aloud about what happened to his family. Never has he told anyone what he had done and how his family suffered for his decision. Donnie just kept quiet. "And when I ask Angel what became of them, of my brothers, I was told that they were the casualties that had died when the Shredder was killed on that day." He squeezed his eyes shut as tears fell down his cheeks. Placing a hand over his eyes, he tried to wipe them away but he couldn't. They just kept coming and Don feared they wouldn't stop. He felt like he was in pit, the utter guilt of _everything_ he's done was slowly drowning him, this was all his fault.

Then a gentle hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his pit of despair. It was none other then Mikey, his little brother that was the embodiment of _innocence_ and _laughter_ and _affection_ before Don had messed everything up. Mikey gave Donnie a look of concern as well as that smile he _**missed**_ so much over these last 30 years. Baby blue eyes stared up at his own chocolate brown ones, they held _fear_ but also _forgiveness_. Betrayal but also compassion. Even after knowing what he does now, knowing that his own big brother had abandoned him in an alternate future, that the whole world going to complete _shit_ was because of Donatello, and the god awful choice he made, _after all of that_ Michelangelo had forgiven him anyway.

And that is what shattered the dam of emotions within Donatello's heart.

The tears cascaded freely down his face as he launched himself at his baby brother just like he had done when Mikey had first arrived here.

And he cried, he cried more then he had back then. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" The words spilled from his mouth, the very words he always wished he could say to the brothers he had left behind, the ones that he still loved so very much, the ones that he had abandoned all because he thought... he thought he was— "I'm so sorry, Mikey!"

"It's alright, Donnie." Mikey simply said as he returned his embrace and rubbed his shell. "It's alright, big brother."

* * *

After Don's breakdown had subsided they both continued on to make their way to New York, by the time they could hardly see each other's silhouettes it was already so very dark out. They decided then, to stop and finish their journey in the morning. As they laid down on the hard ground, Donnie found that he had become very clingy to Michelangelo after his... _episode_. He always made sure that he at least had some type of physical contact with his baby brother. Even now, as they gazed up at the open sky above them and watched the stars, Donnie had Mikey wrapped in in his arms. But if Mikey had also noticed his big brother's sudden clingy behavior, he didn't comment on it.

Don smiled as he listened to Mikey ask him questions upon questions. "So you've meet Leatherhead and Honeycutt, you've fought the Triceratons and a Monster Octopus that makes you see your worst fears?" And Donnie just nodded, even though remembering Necro Monster was a bit... unsettling. He was just happy Mikey was talking to him again.

"Yeah, those events happened too."

"What about us competing in an multi-universal tournament?"

Don couldn't help the grin that spread a crossed his face. Gently, he patted his brother's shoulder playfully. "Hello, Mr. Battle Nexus Champion." The look on Mikey's face as he said that, the pure and utter delightful expression made Donnie's heart explode with love, a deep platonic love that he was never shy about to express with his baby brother.

"Oh _**yeah**_! That's right, Donnie! That's _me_! I'm the greatest fighter in the whole _**multiverse**_!" Mikey cheered loudly, the octave may have damaged his hearing just a tad, but he honestly didn't care. As long as that smile remained on Mikey's face then loss of hearing for a short while was worth it.

"Whatever you say, Mikey." Don laughed as he rubbed the youngers head affectionately. He tightened his arms around his brother more when he heard him giggle. **_Giggle_** , _god_ he hasn't heard that sound in _so long_ , and not just because of these last 30 years but also because Mikey had stopped doing that when they all hit their teenage years.

Abruptly, Mikey stiffened in his arms. "OH!"

Don looked down at him, curious as to what got his brothers attention.

"The Battle Nexus!" The younger cried out in realization. "I'm such an _idiot_! Donnie! I can go to the Battle Nexus and have the Damiyo send me home!"

The smile disappeared from his face.

"I remember the symbols we used when we first traveled there but Leo was the one who did the chant." Mikey said as started thinking of ways to get around this problem. "You're smart, Don. You have a photographic memory, right? Do you remember the chant?"

He did. He knew the chant Leo had recited to open up the multiverse Battle Nexus, even after all these years he still remembered. But, the thing was; Donnie has been alone for so long, and he had so much guilt inside him, so much self hate towards himself and now with Mikey around, even if it was not _his_ Michelangelo, it made him— made _everything_ better. Mikey's smile and love for him made the negative thoughts and emotions go away, even if it was for a short while.

Mikey made him feel _whole_ again like he has been in _decades_. And even as the younger stared at him with hopeful aqua blue eyes. Donnie couldn't, he couldn't give Mikey the answer he was hoping for. He knew it was selfish of him to choose his own happiness over the younger versions of himself, Leo and Raph to deny them of getting their Mikey back, to deny them the love and innocence of their Michelangelo, by keeping him trapped here in the future. But Don couldn't give his baby brother up, not after he just got him back.

"Sorry Mikey. It's been 31 years, even _my_ memory has faded with time." The disappointment and sadness that took over Mikey's features were enough to almost make him come clean and tell his brother the truth, but instead he stayed silent, only managing to _hate_ himself that much more, at how selfish he was being. But couldn't help it, he needed his baby brother around more then anyone else.

"Oh..."

His heart ached at that one little word.

"But don't worry, I'm sure we'll find another way to send you home. And I'll be with you every step of the way." He said as he rubbed circles on the back of the youngster's shell just as Mikey had done for him. His heart warming up again with affection as Mikey smiled up at him and nodded his head. "Thanks, Donnie." A yawn fell from his brother's mouth as his eyes drooped shut.

"Thanks for helping me." The younger ninja said as he drifted off to sleep. Donnie watched Mikey's peaceful face as he slept. Yes, there was no doubt that having him beside Don was making things better. Slowly, bit by bit. He could feel the empty space inside his heart disappearing and he was even more determined to keep Mikey here with him.

He wasn't ready to let him go again.

Shifting his body, he pulled Michelangelo closer to him and placed a chaste kiss on top of his head.

"Anytime, little brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was chapter 3! I also want to clarify something right off the bat (for those who haven't read this story on fanfiction); Donnie isn't evil here. Choosing to lie to Mikey and say he didn't remember how to get to the Battle Nexus was not Don becoming evil.
> 
> The decision he made out of his own fear of being along again and desire to not feel whole as well as sane again by keeping Mikey with him always is a very bad decision, I'm not condoning his action but I want you all to understand that Don isn't evil, hes just desperate, hes broken and Mikey makes the guilt he has been feeling for so long, go away. He's absolutely terrified that he won't be able to function if this Mikey isn't with him, he has become that depended on his little brother even if it only been a short while since he's been with him.
> 
> And if Leo and Raph were there also, Don would be the exact same way with them too. 
> 
> Still, don't worry, his lie won't last for too long.
> 
> Anyway, thoughts on this chapter? Is it still worth my time? Please leave them in a comment on what you thought and I'll see you all soon!


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